Okay, I get it!

Okay, so I totally get that little miss Adalyn is going to come out, introduce herself to the world, and what not… but the process of her… coming out… of me that is… um, can I take a rain check? I know this seems pretty premature to many but it terrifies me! I cant have the birthing plan I wanted because I live in the Midwest and doctors here are sadistic, so I'm stuck with one of two options. 1. Epidural. 2. Natural birth. I mean both those options seem a little hasty. Needles near my spine… SCARY! And natural birth… out of a tub of water… um no thank you. I like my lady bits… and I'd appreciate that area to go as near back to normal as possible. Oh I guess there is a third option. 3. C section. Which even that isn't really an option. I mean really… cutting me open? Yea I've NEVER been in surgery before in my life! Cutting me open seems like I'm a coward… ignoring the responsibilities of being a women. But if its needed… only if it has to happen will I be okay with that option. However, back to the issue at hand. Giving birth. You would think that after all this time, all these medical advances we'd come further than a needle in backs, or cutting you open. Women aren't even supposed to give birth lying on a table with their vag in the air! It totally goes against the laws of physics! Just because King Henry was evil doesn't mean educated society has to continue with his torture! It's rude!
Now I understand the very minor medical reasoning behind the positioning, being able to clearly see the lady bits better… but really, get more mobile! We are the ONLY species to give birth on our backs! It's not normal!
All I wanted was a nice, as close to relaxing birthing experience as possible. Of course that including a water birth. I've done my research and I'm still as sold on the idea, as I was when it hit popularity in the early 90's when I was ten watching it on CNN. I knew then and I still agree now, I'm down for the water birth! Now because I live in the Midwest, and doctors here… like things old school, as near as a water birth as I can get, is in labor, in a Jacuzzi tub. Otherwise I have to hire a dulia (which isn't covered by my insurance) and rent a birthing tub and set it up in my living room… I believe my neighbors may have an issue with that. So what's a girl to do?
OMG I just realized one day my daughter is going to be facing this very predicament! It's a vicious cycle! Do you have any idea how difficult it is to decide this? I get I have 4 more months, but still. I am a planner and a control freak… I'd like to know what to expect and pain isn't on my menu… mmk!
So I sit in worry. Which is worse. A needle in my spine and my lady bits being torn to pieces, or soaking in a tub for god knows how long, but delivering all natural… and my lady bits have a higher percentage of being fully in tacked. Decisions decisions decisions